Stumpy Point, NC – State fire officials have issued a press release that in no way implicates Goatman in the string of fires this Spring. The fires were most likely caused by humans, and not a goat human hybrid. I mean do you know how hard it is to use a lighter with hoove/claw hands much less siphon the gas out of an old Mustang. Besides any evidence of a satanic ritual would have been burned… I mean never existed in the first place.
When asked for details the head fire investigator for the National Wildlife Service said, “What’s this Goatman you speak of? I have never heard of such a thing, and wouldn’t even consider him at all because he definitely did not threaten my life.”
So that settles that, we can all go back to ignoring the eccentric crytid that harmlessly wanders the woods.