Virgina Raising toll to $100 because “FUCK YOU!”

Chesapeake – In a bold move, the state of Virginia is moving forward with a new plan to increase the toll for the Chesapeake expressway to $100 per car. No longer satisfied with just taxing people for driving through their state on the way to their vacation destination, Virginia said it just wants to punish those families that choose the Outer Banks over Virginia beach.

“Just because our beaches are more crowded, artificial, shaded by mega hotels, and charge to park, doesn’t mean they are any worse than what North Carolina is offering,” said Governor McAuliffe. “If people are going to drive extra hours past our beaches, we just want to make sure we take as much money out of their pockets as we can first.”

We asked a cross section of people for their reaction.

“I don’t really think it is fair,” said some idiot who doesn’t know how to drive around the toll.

“Gross! Who takes the toll? Then you can’t stop at WaWa,” Said Currituck teenager Wanda Ruffles.

“It’s God damn highway robbery,” said a Corrolla resident who wishes to remain unnamed for some unknown reason. “They said they were going to just leave the toll up until the road was paid for, now they are just using it to rob people who are coming to us. Every dollar they take is one less dollar I can trick the tourist into spending down here!”

“I don’t mind,” Said William Verinkis, a vacationer from Pennsylvania, “I have already committed to spending way more money on this vacation than I budgeted for. It’s nice to go ahead and get that over with on the drive down. Now I don’t have to worry about money until after my vacation.”

When asked why he didn’t consider vacationing in Virginia Beach, New York resident Tom O’Donnell said, “Why would I do that? I could just go to the Jersey Shore and get the same awful experience with half the driving.”

When asked for a comment, North Carolina Governor Pat McCrory said he was fine with the decision, but he wished the would increase the toll to $1000 for transgender tourists.

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