Colington – The world record for the most Driving While Impaired charges has been reclaimed by Colingtonian Lewis “DUI Louie” Twilette. On Tuesday, the International Olympic Committee declared invalid seven of the last eight arrests of Russian DWI leader Ivan P’Yanyy-Zhopa. IOC investigators have evidence that the Russian’s high Breathalyzer results were due to blood doping. Mr. P’Yanyy-Zhopa was allegedly using a 100 proof Smirnoff IV drip to maintain a consistent blood-alcohol level in advance of his arrests. P’Yanyy-Zhopa and Twilette were expected to compete head-to- head later this summer during the Rio Olympics, but it is not clear at this point if the IOC will allow Mr. P’yayy-Zhopa to participate in this year’s games.
Mr. Twilette came to the attention of the world DWI community in 2011 when he accomplished the exceedingly difficult Quintuple Drunken Lutz, with arrests in the counties of Dare, Hyde, Pasquotank, Tyrrell and Currituck all within a 24-hour period. Since then, he has gone on to record an average of 30 DWI charges per year, including a high of 39 in 2014.
The sanctions against his Russian counterpart leaves Mr. Twilette atop the field of DWI competitors in overall driver’s license points and moves Asmundur Coddsakgrabver of Iceland into second.
Speaking on behalf of his client, attorney/spokesman Phillip O’Conner stated that, afterhe regains consciousness, “DUI Louie” will be thrilled to learn he is once again the Drunk Driving World Champion. Additionally, Mr. O’Conner fully expects his client to set a new DWI World Record during the Rio Olympics. Mr. O’Conner stated Mr. Twilette is not deterred by the threat of the Zika virus as his permanently elevated blood alcohol level has already proven inhospitable to rabies, smallpox and influenza.