Southern Shore – Some segments of the posh community of Southern Shores has a huge problem on its hands. And, there seems to be no good solution in sight. During Tuesday’s town council meeting nearly 100 residents, most of whom live along the fairway of the Duck Woods County Club came forth to complain that their properties are being bombarded with too many flyaway golf balls. Irate comments, laced with expletives heard only in hard core rap, filled the air as many speakers were gaveled down by mayor Thom Burnett for exceeding their three minute allocation. Four speakers, including 90 year old Harvey Creedmor, had to be escorted to the doorway and into the lobby by police chief Robert Cole, who was at the meeting to deliver a monthly report on his department’s effort to stop tourist from using the town’s streets as a shortcut to Duck and Corolla.
“It’s all about money”, screamed Doris Smithson, who said she spends too much time fishing golf balls out of her swimming pool. “Half the people I see out on the course don’t know a golf ball from a toad stool, said Smithson. “People come to the Outer Banks on vacation and think they have to play golf here, when they’ve never played the game in their life. The club takes their money and turns them loose and they spray golf balls in everyone’s yard, break windows, scare our pets and damage our property” she said. “It’s time for action, visitation is out of control and our property values keep going down”.
“I say, take their money, but give them only one golf ball,” shouted Leo Busch from his chair. “When they lose that ball, it’s game overl!”
“That’s easy for you to say,” rebutted George Stone, whose home backs up to the fairway on the first hole. I get more golf balls than any of you, have more broken windows and can’t let my dog out during the day to take a leak.
“Build a wall around the damn fairway,” screamed old lady Thelma Fruton, while telling the lady next to her, “I don’t know why my son moved me to this God-forsaken Hell Hole in the first place”.
“I didn’t realize the problem has gotten so bad,” said councilman Walt Phizenmier, “but I dropped my club membership years ago”.
“It’s not like the old days,” shouted Sam Torthammer. “When I moved here from Jersey, no one could play but members. Today, we let anyone with a dollar bill on the course and its not even safe to sit in our backyards. Hell, one day last week, there were two young metal scrappers wading around the waterholes picking up bent golf clubs.”
“What’s the town going to do about this?” shouted Percy Kavenish, whose home backs up to the 17th hole. “It’s not just golf balls. I have to deal with beer cans and other trash. Where do these people come from?”
After nearly two hours of public comments, and upon the advice of town attorney Burnie Gallop, the board told the audience they did not see the issue as a town problem. “It’s a private club,” said mayor Burnett. “You deal with it”.
“Well then, you need to come by my house and look after my aging mother-in-law, shouted Marvin Milstein. Everytime a golf ball hits the side of my house, she wets her pants !”
“You’re out of order, shouted Burnett. Escort him to the door”.