Buxton – Residents have been on the lookout. Reports have been flooding in about a Seagull of enormous size that has been spotted in the skies over Buxton. Vacationer Phillis Phundelson of Intercourse, Pennsylvania spotted the great beast.
“I heard this tremendous racket behind me as I was walking toward the beach. I turned and saw this monster of a seagull bearing down on me. I just managed to dive behind a dune before the beast grabbed at me with its webbed feet that were as big as tents. I jumped up and snapped a picture of it as it disappeared in the sunrise, heading out to sea.”
She was further quoted as saying, “Yinz got some dang big Pigeons down here.” But no one understood her.
Residents believe the monstrous bird may be nesting in one of the offshore oil rigs.
OBX Report’s attempts to raise communication with the rig were met with bloodcurdling screams for help followed by silence. Massive feathers, some up to twelve feet long, have been found floating in the general direction of the oil rig, and none of the crew have been seen ashore for weeks.
When asked about this, authorities said they were ‘mildly concerned’.
In a statement issued yesterday, under the protection of anonymity, a local officer stated, “I didn’t see nuthin’.” He then quickly ran off while shooting furtive looks skyward.
A local conservationist was quoted as saying, “Good, I hope it eats ‘em all.”
At the moment a massive net is being secured to the Cape Hatteras lighthouse. A flatbed truck arrived yesterday morning, carrying the world’s largest cheese curl to be used as bait.
OBX reports will continue to report on this story as developments arise.