Locals and tourist alike are struggling today after a category 4 hurricane party hit the Outer Banks on Labor Day weekend. The governor has declared a state of emergency, and emergency services are working overtime trying to clean up the mess that is the OBX right now.
With no power and fading cell phone batteries, people had very few excuses not to party. “It was a rough, hot Summer; people were ready to cut loose,” Said Hurricane Party expert Niles Anderson.
After a Summer of flat or lackluster sales many businesses worried that Tropical Storm Hermine would extinguish their last hope at a good year. Early reports are showing that is the case for businesses that make their money on outdoor activities like jet ski rentals and horse tours. Alcohol purchases on the other hand were up by triple digit percentages. The tax generated alone by these sales was enough to balance the state budget.
Sound side flooding has begun to recede, but the hangover is showing no signs of stopping. In fact when the flood waters were tested, they were found to have a B.A.C. of .13. Well above the legal limit for flooding.
Erosion has been rampant and wide spread. From the beach road in Kitty Hawk, to the causeway, to the beaches of Hatteras island, to the esophagus. Experts are making rough estimates that Hurricane Hermine has caused at least 3 million dollars in damage to the livers of local party goers. FEMA issued a statement reminding people that they will not be distributing money to those who’s damage is self inflicted.
“Ain’t no party like a hurricane party,” Said local bar scene regular Ashley Johnston. When asked to elaborate her only reply was, “Because it’s a hurricane party! Woooo!”
Local government officials were able to use radar and social media to track the intensity of the hurricane partying. “We saw a lull in the partying Saturday morning. That is what is called the eye of the hurricane party. But by the time the power cut out around noon, the festivities resumed with sustained parting of 50 gusts of up 95 beers per hour.”
Walgreens, CVS, and Rite Aid are all reporting severe shortages on Tums, Imodium, Maalox, and Alka Seltzer. Breakfast restaurants are putting extra bacon grease in their food this morning to do their part. Emergency services are requesting that people stay in their homes, until their blood alcohol level returns to normal.
With power still not restored in some places, county officials are worried the partying will continue. “Our guys are working as fast as we safely can to get the power on so people stop drinking,” said Virginia Powerman Bill, “I got crews from all over Virginia down here to help fix this, and they are working overtime. I would just like to ask people to stop harassing and obstructing them. We have to turn the power back on, and no we can’t go somewhere else first. You have to work tomorrow anyway, it is time to stop partying.”