Month: March 2017

Camden – Uriah Cardmartin is feeling lucky  this week after reposting his Taco Bell sign on Craigslist again. Repeated attempts at selling the sign have resulted in offers, but his hopes are high.

“I been trying to hock this sign for a good couple years, but no body wants to give me a fair price on it. I gots plenty of time though. I can wait,” Uriah said while leaning on the hood of his 1984 Buick Le Saber.

Anyone who frequents the OBX craigslist will be familiar with seeing this Taco Bell sign for sale, that is of course if you are looking in the collectibles for sale section and not the personal W4M personal adds.

“I keep adding astrisks signs cause I think that makes it look more important! People are like ‘oh shit this thing has a ton of ******* around it. That mean’s this thing is totally worthy buying.'”

Uriah is also selling a some barbies and usually a tail light cover for a BMW. One has to admire the dedication of a person willing to post outrageously priced weekly updates to an item that has almost no chance of being bought in the first place.

“I got 4 Pekingeses and they need their Alpo wet food! It takes me a lot of time to post these adds since my Gateway P.C. ain’t as fast as it used to be, but I get it done. I like to go back and delete my old post then repost it so it gets higher up on the list. I call that ‘jumping’ my post.”

 

Nags Head – Ted Dibiase the managing partner of Money, Inc., LLC, the financial advisory group retained to study economic opportunities in Dare County made his final presentation to the Board of High Commissioners last week. The presentation, titled “Growth Realized: Economic Enterprises in Dare” (G.R.E.E.D.)  lasted over three hours and included a 15 minute intermission as well as a corporate chair massage for the Commissioners.

Mr. Dibiase’s recommendations were broken down into three “ strategic ambitions” which broadly covered the areas of the Outer Banks where he identified “excellent opportunities for exploitation”: Land, Sea and Hatteras.

The featured proposal for the “Land” portion of the plan was the construction the Lost Colony Experience Theme Park which would allow visitors to experience the rigors or early American colonization by stranding them with minimal supplies in Nags Head Woods. Mr. Dibiase said that popular television programs such as “Survivor” and “Man vs. Wild” lead his team to believe the attraction could bring hundreds of extra visitors to the County, particularly during the shoulder seasons.

High Commissioner Shade pointed out that the plan sounded very “tourist based”. Mr. Dibiase responded that this was “Level D” tourism whereas tourist activities normally associated with the Outer Banks such as fishing, sunbathing and binge drinking were categorized as “Level A” tourism activities.

Money, Inc., LLC’s proposal for Sea-Based economic growth included having the Public Relations Office post locations of sunken ships from the Spanish Silver Fleet on Reddit, Pinterest and Craig’s List. Dare County would create an “Office of Treasure Hunters” and sell licenses to those coming to find the offshore fortune. Mr. Dibiase expected to see a tangential economic boom in the dive store industry. Objections from High Commissioner Loveseat that the Spanish Silver Fleet never sailed near the Outer Banks were waved off by Mr. Dibiase as a “technicality.”

Mr. Dibiase’s most controversial proposal involved Hatteras Island, specifically Cape Point. Based on his staff’s calculations, Cape Point reaches far enough into international waters to avoid falling under the jurisdiction of the United States government. As such, it would be “technically legal” for Dare County to begin a counterfeiting operation on the easternmost tip of Cape Point and print their own money.

“The positive economic impact of being able to churn out your own currency cannot be overstated,” Dibiase said in his closing remarks. “With proper wealth management strategies, every resident in Dare County could be a millionaire within 8 to 16 months.”
Dare County Highest Commissioner Rooster Crowcall told Mr. Dibiase he would need time to study the proposal further but said that at first blush “G.R.E.E.D. sounds good.”