Bike Week Bah Humbug

Staff Writer Jay Mullet – It’s that time of year again. You would have to be deaf not to have noticed the noise. Yes it’s Bike Week again, and I know I’m not alone in my disgust of this travesty. I know that when I think about this idyllic, serene, natural beauty we call the Outer Banks, I think of a bunch of leather clad dudes riding motorcycles. One does not need a masters degree in Branding to see how at odds biker culture is from the OBX. I know you might not believe me, but I am an expert on things like this, and I can tell you with authority that this all started under Obama. I call it the Colingtonification of the Outer Banks.

I can’t help my confusion when I see that some of the local businesses have even stooped to catering to these people with their “welcome bikers” signs. I don’t see them putting up “welcome families” or “welcome wholesome people” signs during the rest of the year! If I see a business with a sign welcoming in these bikers, I take my business elsewhere. Unfortunately you can’t seem to escape the two wheeled crowd this weekend. Of course they have been spotted in the types of bars you would expect them in (you know the ones), but I had to wait five minutes behind a ruffian to get my order in at the bagel shop this morning.

There are a number of other ways the Harley crowd doesn’t fit in down here. Bikers are constantly packing into bars for the sake of listening to metal and consuming ridiculous amounts of alcohol. On the Outer Banks, we do nothing of the sort. Sure my wife and I enjoy having a glass of wine or four at any of the fine dining establishments in Duck or Southern Shores, but we aren’t doing it to get drunk. The inebriation is a classy side effect of good taste in wine.

The worst part is the damn noise. This is something even my best friend and libtarded bird watcher, Lyonald Greer, would agree on. I don’t care that it is scaring off the stupid birds, but I do care that it is interrupting my round of golf. I just want to be able to ride around with my buddies and drink some beers and have a good time. Bikers wouldn’t know anything about that. All they do is rev up their engines while i’m in my back swing.

Thank god the big party is in Currituck this year. If they tried to bring a concert like that to our island, I think we would sink from embarrassment. It fits in much nicer with the monster truck, mud bog types you know. Well maybe it would fit in in Colington, and soon enough Corolla. Mark my words, as soon as they build that bridge every degenerate from Chesapeake to Chockawinaty will flow into Corolla turning it into another Virgina Beach or worse, Ocean City. Then us poor and upstanding Duckians and Southern Shoresistanians will be surrounded on three sides, just like Obama wanted.