A report from U.S.A. News has named The Outer Banks of North Carolina as a top destination for spousal homicide. The report compared thousands of beach communities from across the country on a number of criteria, and the OBX came out in the top 5! Citing the beautiful beaches and scenic sunsets, U.S.A. News sung the praises of our little island chain, thrusting us into the national spotlight once again.
“I for one am thrilled,” said Outer Banks Mayor, Manny Daniels, “We have been desperately needing a way to fill these cottages in the shoulder season, and the Marathon, bike week, and seafood festival were not cutting it. These homicidal visitors are likely to take their wives out to dinner a few times before they murder them.”
“Hiding the bodies was one of the top features that pushed the OBX higher on our list,” said U.S.A. Newslady Sharron Peterson, “the abundance of canals and swamps makes it really easy to ditch your wife without being seen. Also the wildlife is likely to destroy all the evidence before anyone finds her. Between blue crabs, raccoons, and coyotes, there won’t be much left for to find.”
Other factors that led to the Outer Banks placing high on the list included easy boat rentals, overworked and understaffed police forces, beautiful lighthouses, and loose sandy soil for quick digging. Local’s lack of care or interest in the visitors, was noted, but not factored into the ranking.
Some citizens were concerned that this might not bring in the type of clientele the Outer Banks is known for. “I don’t think it is a group we should advertise to,” said local restaurant owner, Derick Simpson, “We are a family destination, and these guys are in doing the opposite of making families. It’s not like they are going to bring their kids with them when they come down here to murder their wives. Even if they do that, I’m guessing those kids won’t be returning here to vacation as adults. I wouldn’t exactly be visiting the place where my dad offed my mom with my family. I don’t think it is a good long term strategy for our brand.”
“I can’t wait for this place to become the Cabot Cove of the South,” said local Agatha Christie fan, Judy Fletcher, “I hope me catching all the killers doesn’t hurt our ranking, but you know me. I just can’t help myself. Aha ha ha.”