Kill Devil Hills – Wallace Burnham, a local part time cook, has a problem with the town he lives in placing limits on height. “This is a violation of my rights as an American! If I wanna get baked, that is between me, God, and the shadow people that live in the walls,” he said from his friends couch which doubles as his residence.
“I’m pretty sure they were talking about how tall hotels can be, Wally,” his friend interjected from the other couch.
Wallace was having none of that, “Nah man that’s how the government works. They say one thing and do another. First they come for your hotels, then next thing you know, the SWAT team is in here writing tickets for getting too high. Then everyone has an RFID chip in the butt hole to keep track of you. Just wait, don’t say I didn’t tell you. It is ridiculous too. They capped it at 42? Do they even smoke? Everyone knows the highness scale goes from zero to ten. Forty two?! What is the Hitch Hikers Guide? You wouldn’t even get there if you were doing gravity bong hits of glass with a stomach full of edibles.”
His friend, having read the article and being actually correct, nodded in the way he always does when Wallace starts on one of his theories. His own thoughts wondering to which hat will match his koozie when he goes to the beach later.
The OBX Report tried to contact the Kill Devil Hills commissioners on Facebook, but got distracted by some videos about a cat who learned to drive. We will just assume they would not want to comment on this. We were able to speak to the Mayor’s gardener’s sister, who told us that weed is actually illegal so any high level is currently banned, but like the stop signs on Bay drive and dogs on the beach policy they are often ignored by locals.