National Hurricane Center – The Outer Banks of North Carolina is in danger of having a week ruined by another visit from the low pressure system that is Guy Fieri. The National Flavor Service has issued a Fieri watch for most of the Outer Banks. Governor Cooper has authorized a temporary state of emergency, and the Dare County Flavor Action Response Team has been called into action. The sale of Alcohol has been partially suspended with Whiskey (plastic bottles only), Tequila, and Corporate Beer being prohibited. Craft beer, wine, and clear liquors are still available. The sale of ranch and barbecue sauce has also been suspended.
Residents are preparing to protect their houses and evacuate. We talked to some of them:
“I can’t do this again!” said longtime local Stanley Daniels, “Last time this guy came around I had 3 inches of sauce in my living room. Insurance says they don’t cover what they call ‘acts of guy.'”
“Don’t get me wrong. I love Guy, but for two weeks after his visit my husband was drinking Imodium like it was sweet tea,” said Manteo hair stylist, Debra Sulkowski.
“I don’t know if I can afford the economic impact of another Fieri storm,” said Jacob Arsborne or Duck, “I maxed out my credit card with all the eating out I had to do after his OBX shows aired.”
Speaking of economic impact, many restaurants are worried about having to close for days in the Summertime again. Some were shut down for up to three days the last time Fieri made landfall.
Not all Dare County residents are evacuating. Some brave locals are going to ride it out.
“Grill is lit, beer in the cooler, generator is on standby for when the power goes out. The only place we are evacuating to is Flavortown!” was the answer Daniel Garcia gave for his reason he is staying.
And then there is Joseph Harllow, and his unique ideas about avoiding the storm. “I have dyed my hair white, and I have prepared a bed of coals over which I will sacrifice two racks of ribs covered in my homemade Jim Beam Honey Glaze. This along with playing rock music from the early 2000’s should appease the Fieri, and spare my family.”
OBX Report will be on the scene with moment to moment reporting. We have reporters armored with bio-hazard suits, and news vans that can sustain Guy farts of up to 60 knots. News updates will come in as we receive more information from the National Flavor Service.