Kitty Hawk – Dusty Hills has been working in various kitchens around the island since he dropped out of high school around the turn of the millennia. In this time he has had time to perfect the art of being a local dirt-bag cook, and he feels it is his duty to train the younger kitchen staff. Today he had some remarks with a potential protege about the front of the house staff.
“Man I don’t know why you are just standing there looking at your tickets, when there is a lady as hot as Julie on the other side of the line,” He said to his fry cook Martin, but loud enough for Julie, a Sophomore at Virginia Tech, to hear.
“Hey Dusty,” Julie said forcing a smile while she waited patiently for her order to be completed.
After she ran her order, Martin asked Dusty, “How are you just going to hit on her like that? That can’t ever work for you.”
Dusty half chuckled half scoffed at his younger cook, “see greenhorn, that is why you remain a virgin. These waitresses and hostesses are the only women I come in contact with besides the convenience store clerks I buy my beer and cigs from, and the cops who pull me over, and all that hitting on those got me was child support and parole. I gotta get what I can get where I can get it, and it turns out that these waitresses are my favorite kind of women anyway.”
“Oh I see, and what kind of woman is that?” Martin asked anticipating something sexist.
“College girls,” Dusty said wistfully as he stared into the distance and exhaled his cigarette into the hood vent.
“Aren’t you a little old to be dating College girls,” Martin said, “I mean you’re like forty.”
“Of course I’m too old to be dating College girls, and I have been for the past five years, but that hasn’t stopped me. Also, assbag, I’m only 33.”
“That’s ridiculous, why would they want you? Also, you look rough for 33 dude. Like seriously, take a night off from the drinking and cocaine from time to time.”
“That oiled leather appearance of my skin is a finely cultivated part of my presentation to the ladies. They are attracted to confident dangerous looking older men.” Dusty said smiling.
“Oh, I get it now. So that is what the tribal tattoo is for as well?” Martin asked.
Dusty nodded and launched into the meat of his lecture, “Yes now you’re starting to understand. When a college girl is on vacation from school and comes to a destination like the Outer Banks, why would she want to get with a guy your age? She is surrounded by them all year back at college. Plus she might develop feelings for you, and be stuck in a relationship with some one, no offense, below her on the social ladder. No, she wants to be able to check off that summer fling box on her OBX bucket list with a sexy-bad-boy-older-guy. Fortunately for me there are very few of us, seeing as most people my age have their shit together or are at least in a long term relationship. So you see I am not taking advantage of these girls, as you are not so subtly alluding to, I am giving them something they want.”
“Why would the girls want STD’s?” Martin said while chuckling to himself.
“No, you dense degenerate, I give them a chance to have a night they will never forget, to regret. They need to have a fling with me to remind them to aspire for a better man. That is why I succeed the most with girls on the rebound or with Daddy issues. They use our mediocre hookup as a jumping off point to launch their way up to their next relationship.”
“It all makes sense now,” said Martin in awe, “You help them regain confidence and vision for their own lives, while getting to sleep with women who should be out of your league, all the while never having to expose yourself to any sort of feelings. It’s like a win win or sorts except you remain a loser. You have to teach me your ways!”
“That is what I have been trying to do for weeks now!” Dusty exclaimed, “Now let’s start your training. When Maggie comes in here to pick up this basket of crab balls, tell her after that she needs to get to work on grabbing your balls. See what I did there? I made a play on words. Crab – grab, get it?”
“Are you sure? That sounds like sexual harassment,” Martin said with trepidation.
“Dude if you are going to take my place, you have to learn my way. I only have like two more years of this working, but I won’t figure that out for about seven years. In that time, your going to need to be stepping into my shoes and picking up the ones that fall through the cracks. There is work to be done bro. These college girls aren’t getting any younger… or older.”