Landmark study confirms what everyone knew all along
The results of a five year study conducted by the Center for Disease Control and the North Carolina Highway Patrol have revealed what most motorists have already figured out: that people driving at or under the speed limit in the “fast” lane are demonstrably dumber than average Americans. The landmark study was conducted in Kitty Hawk, Kill Devil Hills, Nags Head and along I-95.
“We figured the beach would be a good place to do the study since people driving here come from a diverse sample of states,” said lead researcher Professor Roy Hinkley.
Over the course of the study, State Police randomly stopped motorists traveling at or below the speed limit on highways and urban areas. A CDC scientist riding with the officer then conducted an abbreviated Stanford-Binet IQ test and recorded the results. Drivers were then tagged with a special biodegradable ear marker and released back into the wild.
The results of the testing showed drivers travelling under the speed limit in the fast lane had an IQ that was 10-15 points lower than average. Drivers using the fast lane to plod along on 4 or 5 lane highways tested even lower than the average mean, some as much as 25 to 30 points lower.
“Surprisingly, the lowest scores came from drivers in the Nags Head area, particularly those from Pennsylvania,” said Professor Hinkley. “Results in Kill Devil Hills were invalidated because the town has too many goddamn stoplights.”
Governor Roy Cooper has asked the state legislature to consider some version of “Max’s Law,” recently passed in Texas and South Carolina, which allows frustrated motorists to physically bump slow moving traffic in the fast lane out of the way.
This is a bogus study. Virginians are the worst offenders, not Pennsylvanians.