300 ft above Kitty Hawk – In anticipation of an extremely sharky 4th of July, the Navy is deploying a helicopter-borne sniper teams to protect civilian swimmers. These well trained sailors are ready to celebrate independence day with hundreds of rounds of high velocity lead.
These snipers are accurate at distances up to 1000 meters, and depths of up to 15. If you hear a splash nearby it could very well be a shark sniper looking out for you.
Local government and citizens alike are excited about the plan.
“I can’t tell you how excited we are to have our boys in the sky protecting us on this 4th,” said a mayor or commissioner or something.
Area mother, Sydney Chambers, said she was hoping her children would be able to catch the shell casings.
Former servicemen and women are saluting from the dunes, and crowds are gathering to wave and cheer.
“I don’t even care about the rotor wash blowing sand in my beer and sending my umbrella somersaulting into the dunes. This too much fun to watch,” said a bystander.
We asked one beach goer, Jason Johannas, from Alexandria Virginia, how he felt about the the whole thing. “Man, you got a helicopter, which is awesome, a sniper rifle, which is super cool, then you got Navy Seals, which are bad ass. Now you combine them all with the fourth of July and Sharks! If that ain’t America, I don’t know what is.”
The fire depart has asked that people please refrain from shooting off fireworks while the helicopters are airborne so as to avoid any accidental triggering of countermeasures.
PERSONALLY I FORESAW ALL OF THIS COMING WHEN NMFS STARTED REGULATING THE SHARK FISHING INDUSTRY BOTH COMMERCIAL AND RECREATIONAL! YOU SHOULD READ THEM!
http://www.fisheries.noaa.gov/sfa/hms/species/sharks/index.html THE MEDIA IS LEFT WONDERING WHY THERE ARE MORE SHARK ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!! NOW WE ARE SPENDING TAX DOLLARS FOR HELICOPTERS, AMMO, SEALS, FUEL ETC. AND THE NAIVE PUBLIC IS NOT AWARE OF THE CAUSE OF THIS! GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK! QUIT PISSING OUR TAX DOLLARS AWAY ON THE UNNECESSARY ACTIONS NOW TAKING PLACE! OPEN UP THE HARVESTING OF SHARKS AND THIS PROBLEM WILL MAGICALLY GO AWAY! AT LEAST THE MEDIA AND THE NAIVE PUBLIC WILL THINK SO, HOWEVER I AND OTHERS IN THE KNOW WILL KNOW WHY!
Why do they need to kill the sharks? Why can’t people just stand back and watch nature instead of destroying/killing it?