With the approval of early alcohol sales passing in every Dare County township except Nags Head, the Prince of Darkness, Satan, has finally booked a vacation to the Outer Banks.
“Really, it was the only thing holding me back,” the famed soul-snatcher said. “If you can’t have a Mimosa before noon, why bother?”
Satan’s spokesman, Theodore Cruze, stated that his royal evilness has rented a 22 bedroom McMansion in Kill Devil Hills for the first week of August. He will be travelling with his usual entourage including Martin Shkreli, Dr. Walter Palmer, Stephen Bannon and Kanye West. The group’s plans include drunken jet skiing, drunken hang gliding and drunk surfing.
The Lord of the Underworld said he’s going to check his “bad boy” persona at the Wright Memorial Bridge and just wants to come here to have a good time like everyone else.
“I might throw a few plastic bags in the ocean to choke the sea turtles,” he admitted. “But not too much worse than that.”
In related news, legendary country singer and professional violin exorcist Charlie Daniels will be appearing in concert at the Waterside Theater for a special performance on August 2nd.
Prize worthy!