Residents and visitors to the Outer Banks have heard tales about infamous Blackbeard, but very few know of his less successful protege, Brownbeard. Brownbeard, though fierce and skilled at pirating, had a short career as a buccaneer, never acquiring the crew or reputation of his mentor. Scholars and historians have argued on the reasons for this, but the majority of them cite his eccentric mannerisms.
Brownbeard wanted to follow in Blackbeard’s footsteps, but he also wanted to put his own unique spin on it. He still wore the same clothing, and grew a beard, but the changes came in the hair and beard accessories. Blackbeard was known to wear burning fuses to terrify his victims with his demon-like appearance. Brownbeard went for a similar, but more visceral approach. Here is famous nautical historian, Andrew Wallace, describing it:
Brownbeard, having learned the power of scaring your prey into surrendering from Blackbeard, spent hours in preparation of his visage. His main concern was to take a ship without having to engage in close combat which would put him and his crew in mortal danger. Blackbeard used flaming fuses in his hair to invoke a sort of fear of the Devil to pacify his opponents, and Brownbeard used a slightly altered tactic. He also added fuel into his hair to set it alight, but instead of using expensive fuses, he used natural and plentiful human excrement. He would massage into his hair and beard, and then set it aflame. Other ships could smell it from leagues away. Not only was his ship never boarded, the English Navy would pretend like they hadn’t seen it.
This tactic of covering his hair in feces was unheard of at the time. No other pirate before or since has attempted it. Survivors of Brownbeard’s attacks were known to complain they could still smell his burning pooplocks for years after.
Brownbeard’s reign of terror on the high seas was a short lived one. After one Summer of plundering, his own crew mutinied and killed him. Instead of keeping the ship and treasure, none of them wanted to touch anything. They scuttled the ship in the sound and put to rest the legend of Brownbeard forever.
The location of the ship was not actually lost. People just didn’t want to touch his poopy treasure or risk being haunted by his ghost. Researchers now are fairly certain the remaining feces will have washed off, but are donning hazardous environment suits for the excavation just in case.
In similar news, Dusty Hills, a local dirtbag cook, has decided to go as Brownbeard for Halloween this year. He already started growing out what looks like the rudiments of a beard, but could just be caked on dirt and grease.