Cape Point, Hatteras – For years Hatteras residents have prided themselves on being the actual Outer Banks due to their geographical position. Sometimes they even call themselves the real Outer Banks, or refer to the other islands as the Inner Banks. Unfortunately now that Shelly Island has popped up off the point, the’re basically the same as Manteo or Colington.
The North Carolina Geographical society has already declared it the official Outer Bank, and the management of Cape Hatteras National Seashore is updating all their maps.
People down there are not taking it well.
“Leave it to the park service to take one more thing away from us,” said Charrell Harrell, “I can’t wait to hear about the birds that nest on this island.”
“I heard they were building a Wings on it already,” joked Jim Austin.
“Nah didn’t you hear? It’s in international waters, so they gonna open a casino,” his brother Tony replied.
“This ain’t no joke yall,” was the response from their other brother Austin, “People come down here to drive on the Outer Banks beaches. No one wants to tell the family about fishing on the Inner Banks. We aught to blow that stupid island up like we did that Nazi submarine that came ashore in ’42.”
“Don’t worry brother, no one is gonna go out to Shelly Island to fish on account of it already being overrun with coyotes,” Jim chimed back in.
Local Government to start shutting down anything with OBX in the name
Since it is technically false advertising to call a business on the inner islands OBX, the local governments have begun to contact locals using the acronym in their name.
“Nobody wants to shut down OBX businesses, but the law is the law. After we take care of the businesses.” said an unhelpful bureaucrat who wouldn’t give their name.
After businesses being updated, next comes license plates. It is projected to cost the state millions of dollars in materials and man-hours to replaced all those OBX plates. Any car decals in the shape of the Outer Banks must add a new sticker to represent the island.
At the same time anyone with OBX in their username or email that does not live on Shelly Island will be forced to change their name.
This will be especially painful for those with Outer Banks tattoos as they must come in for the small island to be added to their tattoo.