Nags Head Police Department has issued an all points bulletin for a man who injured 11 beach-goers last Saturday near Bonnet Street beach access. Witnesses say the man drove his gold plated electric golf cart onto the beach and using a sand wedge began hitting a golf ball toward a yellow caution flag that had been posted to warn swimmers of rip currents in the area.
“He was yelling at people that he was ‘playing through’ and then just started swinging away,” said Carl Spackler of Nebraska. “He had a terrible slice and the ball would sail on him and inevitably hit somebody.”
Ty Webb, visiting from New York, was one of the victims struck by an errant golf ball. Mr. Webb believes he was hit by the unidentified golfer’s fourth shot. He was struck in the temple and rendered temporarily dazed.
“He didn’t say sorry or nothing,” said Mr. Webb as he was being tended to by Dare County EMT’s. “He just yelled ‘oh, I’ll take a Mulligan’ then he’d drop another ball and whang away.”
Deputy Police Chief Kevin Stadler said police are looking for an orange male in his early to mid 70’s, approximately 6’2”, 275 lbs and possibly wearing a badly dyed ferret or mongoose on his head underneath a red baseball cap. He may have been in the company of a half dozen men dressed like Agent Smith from the Matrix.
“We believe the man was playing at the nearby Nags Head Golf Links and became confused,” said Deputy Chief Stadler. “We have reports that he was complaining the sand traps were ‘yuuuge’ and that the water hazard was ‘too bigly.’”
Nags Head Lifeguard Danny Noonan is credited with saving the life of a child who was in the ocean when struck in the head and nearly drown. An avid golfer himself, Noonan said it was a “damn good thing” the golfer was only using a sand wedge because if he’d been hitting a driver or even a three iron he’d have probably “killed people outright.”
Love the “gold plated” golf cart and the ferret/mongoose hair piece!
Glad you’re on a roll, Goatman.