Local fishermen are responding positively to the replacement of the formerly common term “raccoon eyes” with a new appellation: “Trump eyes.” O’Neal Daniels, captain of the “Virtuous Snapper” out of Pirate’s Cove, states: “Sure, it just sounds more presidential. Everybody likes Trump, right? And nobody likes raccoons. They’re filthy vermin. Gotta say, it gives me a little boost when people compare my eyes to the Commander in Chief of the good old U. S. of A.”
A few miles south in Wanchese, Bug Daniels, captain of the “Cantore’s Revenge,” agrees: “It made me feel kinda bad with people always comparing me to a trash panda. I mean, you wear sunglasses on the water all day, your eyes don’t get tan like your face. Hazard of the job. But since the president made eye circles cool, I’m proud of my Trump eyes.”
A few miles farther south at Oregon Inlet Fishing Center, “Ayn Rand” captain Bunk Midgette also concurs. Taking off his sunglasses to reveal fleshy pink circles around his eyes, he says, “Since the new name caught on, I think I am catching bigger fish. The biggest fish. Ask anybody—I am catching the biggest, most best fish ever, that anybody ever caught and that can be caught. I think changing the name to “Trump eyes” brought good luck. The best luck. Nobody ever had luck like we have now. It’s unbelievable.” When asked about distinctly orange tint of the rest of his facial skin, Midgette admits that he also splurged on a presidential spray-tan. “I mean, why stop at the eyes? If I could find a hairspray that would stand up to those offshore winds, I’d do the hair too.”
President Trump himself noted the inadvertent homage, posting the following to his Twitter account: “Dare County fishermen are the best. I’m proud to be a role model. They are MAGA! Thanks for the camo visor. Crooked Hillary.”