August sales numbers have disappointed Yankee candles sales division with the newest candle in their line up selling a paltry two cases. With these sales figures the company would surly be looking at a loss if not for the fact that they charge $15 for 10 cents worth of candle and 20 cents worth of glass.
The failed product entitled Wanchese Breeze was supposed to tie in with their other coastal scents like Pink Sand and Beach Wood. Unfortunately candle fans were not having any of it, with every candle store reporting a massive surplus of Wanchese Breeze stock.
The scent was designed by the so called “green team” of aroma designers. The idea was to pair the authentic individualism of commercial fisherman with the sustainability of using recycled bi-catch.
“We wanted this scent to say, ‘I know what estuaries smell like, and it ain’t Beach Wood,'” Danny Gettleman, the lead designer or the candle said. “We knew to be authentic we had to source our ingredients locally from Wanchese. We were lucky to get in touch with the fish houses and arrange a deal to extract the essence of shrip heads, blue crab and oyster shells, and fish organs. Mix all these together with a little bit of fiberglass resin, and you got yourself a candle that captures the true spirit of the harbor.”
“It smells like my step dad’s bait cooler after he left it in the back of the truck for a week,” said Margret Midgett, “You know how a smell can take you back to a memory? I dated a guy that was a commercial fisherman. When he came home after three days out there, I would make him strip down outside before he went straight to the shower. This candle takes me right back there.”
“If you wanted to know what a shark’s rectum smelled like, this would be the closest approximation,” said store manager Hank Ballence. “I was sure the first batch of these we got had gone bad in shipping, so I sent them back only to find out when we got the next crate that is how they wanted them to smell.”
“Mommy why does this smell like the dog after she gets loose and rolls in stuff?” a small child asked as the mom quickly put the lid back on the candle and replaced on the clearance rack.
Local stores owners are extremely disappointed since they expected to rake in sales of a locally themed candle. Unfortunately the only buyers apparently are Feline Hope people since the candle has the ability not just to attract more stray cats to their house, but also improve upon the smell in them.