Kitty Hawk – Tired of being kept from their dream Quarencation, a number of people who don’t belong here are finding ways onto the Island. Since police have arrested the ring leader of the local Under Trunk Rail Road, Harriet Baum, NRPOs have been seeking a new route onto the island. With the boat ramps swarming with LEOs, a new cottage industry has arisen of creative means of transport across the Currituck sound.
A number of dirigibles were seen taking advantage of the westerly wind yesterday as well as a fair amount of makeshift aircraft. The number of air attempts dwindled after local duck hunters began peppering the balloons. The local anti aircraft batteries may have stop the airborne attempts, but not the surface based.
“I have sold 15 of those goofy bikes with the floaty wheels in the past hour,” said Henry Pines of Currituck Water Rentals, “Usually nobody wants to rent those things, but for some reason they are real popular right now. Also, no one is returning my jet skis.”
“Where there is a will there is a way,” said a the local Sheriff who wish to remain unnamed, “We tell them they can’t come in, but they didn’t get second houses by being lazy.”
“BUT I PAY TAXES TOO! I PAY YOUR SALARY! YOU HEAR ME YOU NAZI? I OWN YOU, LET ME ON MY ISLAND RIGHT NOW!” shouted a New Jersey NRPO from his Salt Life emblazoned Excursion at an officer administering the road block. “I’M JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE LOCALS. I HAVE BEEN VACATIONING DOWN HERE MY WHOLE LIFE! THAT MEANS I’M JUST AS ENTITLED TO BE ON THIS ISLAND AS YOU LOCALS. MORE IMPORTANT BECAUSE I PAY MORE TAXES AND SPEND MORE MONEY SO I DESERVE TO BE HERE MORE THAN YOU!”
Other Non Resident Property Owners were calmer, but no more rational in their approach. “I own the house, so I own the right to use the house. I mean it’s not like there has ever been a time of emergency when they prevented me from crossing the bridge. I know I have been told to stay home, and there is no medical care if I catch the virus, and I could be bringing the virus to the people that live here, but there is a beach and I want to put my toes in the sand.”
Glad to have you back for this china virus.
I had been checking every once in a while to see if you were on “it”. Glad you are, Goatman.
New Orleans is nice this time of year.mmThey have a River.
Please keep up your real fake news – we need it. It’s a ripe time for dystopian parody.