The OBX is once again in the national news, no it isn’t because of Netflix or a best quarrencation list. We have an official SUV! The good people at Ford Motor Company’s focus groups decided they like the name recognition and branding of the Outer Banks, so they just copped that shit.
Of course they added some features to make the Outer Banks model authentic. First off the vehicle doesn’t have turn signals. No one uses those down here anyway. They also added a secret air tight stash spot for your weed. The carpets have been replaced with a nice layer of sand, so you won’t even care about it anymore. The SUV also comes with black lab fur lined seats, and a “Hey Audubon look at this bird” middle finger sticker. The crowning achievement has to be the DUI ignition interlock. Why pay a bunch of money to get one installed in your car when you can buy a car with it stock!
The new model starts at only $40,500, which only puts it out of the price range of most of the locals. The only locals you will see driving it are the newly anointed Non Resident Property Owners who are now officially locals now thanks to the bridge closure lawsuit.
The Outer Banks moniker has been around for a long time, and it has intentionally not been trademarked so that anyone down here could use it. Unfortunately for us that means any multinational corporation can plop it on their overpriced jeep. Who cares if it took decades of branding for us to build, now when people hear Outer Banks they will think of an knock off jeep, and a teen drama TV show filmed in Charleston.
Don’t forget the drunken, no license having boyfriend in the passenger seat…..